I think I’ve been stuck in the same place for too long, seeing her just made me realize that. What I’ve been missing wasn’t her, it was what we had. Part of me wants to go back to the old days, but that isn’t possible. Clinging on the past isn’t worthwhile, I don’t want to hope for anything more after all that have been done. I think it’s time for me to let go and walk a different path, hopefully with a better ending.
First of all, thank you. Even though we had this pact of saying no sorry and no thanks. I thank you.
It’s been quite long since I’ve talked to you, because I had left you. Ever since I met you for the first time, I’ve been breaking up with you. The sad part is, for the people who don’t matter. Everyone faked a promise to be that one, that last person in my life. But you, how did you manage to actually end up being the last person, who’s always there.
Whenever I had to take any decision, you held my hand even though the world was against us. Whenever I had to move on, you were there. At the times when I was alone, you came to make me feel at home. Dear, did you ever realize you’ve become the most companionable companion ever. Yes, the comforts of cuddling under the cozy blanket with the girl who left no longer brings me peace. It’s just a coffee and you who make me breathe peace. Continue reading “Dear Cigarettes,”
There’s nothing that doesn’t remind me of you. After all the attempts of getting over you, I wish to tell you that I cannot. You’ll always be a part of me. I don’t intend on writing another letter and put it down on the table again and look at it for hours and weep knowing that I don’t have an address for it to send across. I have been complaining of all the little discomforts I ever had unaware that one day I’ll go through this, the unimaginable.
You know the worst sounds aren’t always scraping against a chalkboard or a fork against a dinner plate– the worst sounds begin in the throat, and you know the worst part? It’s usually not a sound, it’s just a whimper, it’s just the thick silence that follows after all those hours of crying, I’m sorry that you’ve been hurting for so long, low key and high key, I just want you to feel okay. Those memories are like shrapnel pierced deep into your veins, you’ve been trying to cut it out, I know. The blood will flow, but it just hurts some more, doesn’t it? Continue reading “Sound”
You used to smile a lot more, you used to be the happiest person that I know. That scares me, because whenever I see you, you’re always smiling, but I know that you’re not okay. I mean, they don’t know, but I do. I see right through you, you’re paper thin. But I mean, that doesn’t mean that you’re fragile, you’ve got all of these words under your eyes, right next to your bags, you’ve got these words right under those long sleeves, right next to those scars, you’ve got these words all over your heart, right next to the bleeding– we’ve just got to lend an open ear, I’ve just got to listen some more. Continue reading “It’s Okay”
“I hope you have to retype every single one of those letters. I hope you spill ink everywhere. I hope the gun jams. I hope you drop those razors down the drain. I hope the rope snaps. I hope sleep finally comes easy. I hope you never feel like dying again. I know that you’re in pain and I know that it hurts to feel it everyday. I know that you’re trying. No one notices, sometimes… not even you. I notice. I see you. I’m hopeful about you. I’m hopeful for you. I believe in you. You’ve got this.”
Your eyes are letters you never send out. I would ask you why, but I know better. You keep them down, you’re looking for words upon the floor. The words that say everything, but also nothing. Depression keeps us strangled. Depression keeps us anchored. Depression seeps into us like tea that’s just too bitter, so add a little sugar. We all need a little love, we all need a little letter. I need your eyes to do more than crying, I need your eyes to be smiling. Yes, smiling is more than just lips.
Are the nightmares getting bad again? I know we don’t talk much anymore, I’m a real shitty friend. All I do is write, but I can’t even hit you up every now and again. I guess I’m just so caught up in myself that I forget about those things. How have you been? You left a rather sad message recently. You think that this will be it. The last time we’ll talk. You can’t do this anymore. You’re giving up. I don’t know the details. I don’t know what happened. Hell, I barely even know you because of our absence as so called friends. Continue reading “Dear Infinity”
No matter how hard I try, no matter how badly I want it, our story doesn’t have a happy ending. Ours is a heart breaker. The one which leaves glum readers at sixes and sevens once the tale is told. But this doesn’t mean we change paths.
Because you. My dear, are the bookmarked pages of my diary I read silently to myself, Every Night.