“Have you ever felt that?” she said. “It’s like half running and half jumping just to catch a balloon that’s already flying to the sky. It’s like trying to hold the waves with your hands. I don’t know if you ever felt that way. Chasing someone who’s just right there in front of you. Yet no matter how hard you try to hold them, you just can’t. No matter how fast you are, you just can’t meet them on the finish line. Yes, it’s like about someone you can’t have. Yet what I mean is about someone losing interest in you. Someone you once had, but don’t want to be a part of your life anymore.”
Believe me when i say that one day, you will meet someone who will fall in love with you, with every little inch of you, someone who will love the way you play with your hands when you’re nervous and the way you clench your jaw when you’re angry, someone who will tell you that your smile is the purest thing on earth and that your laugh is contagious, someone who will love you for every person you are, for all the ugly beautiful sides of you, for the many personalities you posses, for all your flaws and sloppy mistakes, for your sparkly happy eyes and all the sadness they sometimes hold, someone who will not ask you to be someone more easier to love, someone who will love you for you, and only for you.
The depression is there every single day, and it’s exhausting. Having to battle your own mind day in and day out while also dealing with the ordinary day-to-day things of life is so incredibly hard and so incredibly rough. Sometimes I want to escape however I’m trapped in this permanent state of worthlessness. My own mind.
Yes, I had my choices. But I chose to leave.
Isn’t it insane to go without any attachments, emotions, feelings?
Everything is normal, and suddenly you’re gone, forever.
There’s always this hope of you coming back or at least stating reasons why you left.
Maybe someday I’ll know why.
Until then let’s assume?
But on the contrary, I think it’s quite unfair to meet people unexpectedly and expect them to give reasons why they left.
Throughout the years I’ve mastered the ability to forget.
Forget incidents, forget moments, memories and even people. Continue reading “Letting Go”
You poor unfortunate soul.
You’ve been through so much, seen so much criticism, so much violence, so much betrayal, trying to fit in this vindictive society. You’re just lost in this forsaken world, all alone in this cruel world, trying to find a place where you belong. You poor soul trying to seek a light which doesn’t cease to exist, trying to find a place to call home, trying to reach the destination of your journey, all of this to no avail. You’ve been through so much, I respect you for that. It’s not easy trying to survive in this harsh reality.
Feels like I’m trapped inside a cage, a ferocious cage which is slowly devouring me from the inside. When I try to lift my wing, I get shot down immediately. My life seems to be behind bars which don’t seem to breaking down soon. Looking at this stunning sky, I wonder if I will get the chance to fly blissfully there, where no one will hold me down, no one will lock me up, no one will tell me what to do. With no ties to anyone, I’ll be free, soaring through the sky as if tomorrow doesn’t exist.
What do you expect me to do, when my life is a mess, when everything is screwed, when my life revolves around people who just disappoint you at every turn in your life. I’m sorry, but nothing works for me. Arguing all day, crying inside, trying to stay strong when all I’m doing is breaking down bit by bit everyday. Will I ever be able to live happily? Is that too much to ask for? All I just want is to live peacefully and happily without no setbacks, no facades, I just want to live simply without people trying to fuck my life everyday. Guess it’s just impossible. Ah well, screw it.
There are moments when you are feeling down, when you feel like nothing is happening right, when everything has become a mess. But hey, it’s all a part of life. There will be sunlight, there will be people who’ll just randomly come in your life and just shred all of that loneliness you’ve been feeling, there will be joyous moments. So just hold on, it isn’t that far away.
Lately, I’ve been thinking what it’d be like, if I disappeared just like this thin air that we breathe. Will they be happy? Sad? Angry? Or will they feel guilty? This uncanny feeling is slowly devouring me. No matter what I do, what I try to do or what I think that I’ll do, nothing works out. It just feels like that I’m a lost person wandering in this heartless world where betraying or hurting others has become a trend. Wonder if all my problems could just vanish if I just disappeared in this cold darkness.